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Drowning

Recently, I have had a few people tell me that it seems like “I have it all”. I can’t tell you how much that bothered me. I should have been flattered, right?? Truthfully, I didn’t like to hear that because to me it is so painfully obvious that that simply is not the case. I pride myself in being transparent, and if, by some odd chance, I am giving that perception, I am not correctly portraying myself.

Someone once told me that “you can have it all, but, not at the same time”. I kind of smiled and thought I got it at the time, but, only recently have I truly understood what that means.

It really is true.

Right now, I am attempting to keep one child sustained (still his primary food source), I am trying to keep life normal and fun for kid #1 and I am trying to be a decent full-time employee. What is missing in the above-listed list? A whole lot. Time with friends for one. I can’t even begin to explain how much I miss spending time with friends. Right now, I usually have to choose between getting a run in (generally critical for helping manage my anxiety) and any other activity. Generally, I choose fitness for my break and the rest of “me” activities – including time with friends, one-on-one time with my husband, a pedicure (you do NOT want to see my poor feet) – tends to get pushed down my list.

People tend to describe parenting, or life I suppose, in “seasons”. I can’t even tell you more many times I have heard lately that I should “enjoy this season”, “it passes so quick”, “don’t blink your eyes”, etc.

Maybe this makes me kind of a terrible parent for saying this, but, I am sitting here blinking over and over and I am still in this fairly difficult phase. I still wake up three or so times every night, I still am spread too thin and I still am left feeling like this “season” for the most part is a flipping hurricane. The logical side of me knows that this WILL pass and my little will grow and not need me for each feeding and *gasp* at some point I might even miss it.

But, for today, if I hear one more catchy phrase about the beautiful seasons of parenthood, I might just choke on my freezing cold dinner and coffee.

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5 thoughts on “Drowning

  1. Oh man juggling two kids and a husband and job is work!! Staying positive is key and that’s what people perceive… Your positive comments on life. Sometimes people get intimated by this, you are doing great! Keep at it and stay positive!

  2. I love reading your posts. You make me feel normal! If I have one more co-worker ask me, “Is Ava sleeping through the night yet?” ONE more time, I might punch them in the face. Work + babies + sanity is a rare formula. Thank god for great husbands, right?! Love you Katie… I sooo desperately wish we were closer together.

    You might not have it all, but you rock what you do have! ❤

  3. Amen sister!! Listen people say dumb things all the time and they have been said to you. No one has it all. You are doing above and beyond for breast feeding and working. Please acknowledge that. You must run, I totally get that. But this season of your life thing, I believe this is something you look back on and say I did the best I could do at the time. While you are doing it, it sucks a lot of the time. Just keep running and do what you feel is right. Sleep will come one of these days. I believe in you. xxoo

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