Recently, I have had a few people tell me that it seems like “I have it all”. I can’t tell you how much that bothered me. I should have been flattered, right?? Truthfully, I didn’t like to hear that because to me it is so painfully obvious that that simply is not the case. I pride myself in being transparent, and if, by some odd chance, I am giving that perception, I am not correctly portraying myself.
Someone once told me that “you can have it all, but, not at the same time”. I kind of smiled and thought I got it at the time, but, only recently have I truly understood what that means.
It really is true.
Right now, I am attempting to keep one child sustained (still his primary food source), I am trying to keep life normal and fun for kid #1 and I am trying to be a decent full-time employee. What is missing in the above-listed list? A whole lot. Time with friends for one. I can’t even begin to explain how much I miss spending time with friends. Right now, I usually have to choose between getting a run in (generally critical for helping manage my anxiety) and any other activity. Generally, I choose fitness for my break and the rest of “me” activities – including time with friends, one-on-one time with my husband, a pedicure (you do NOT want to see my poor feet) – tends to get pushed down my list.
People tend to describe parenting, or life I suppose, in “seasons”. I can’t even tell you more many times I have heard lately that I should “enjoy this season”, “it passes so quick”, “don’t blink your eyes”, etc.
Maybe this makes me kind of a terrible parent for saying this, but, I am sitting here blinking over and over and I am still in this fairly difficult phase. I still wake up three or so times every night, I still am spread too thin and I still am left feeling like this “season” for the most part is a flipping hurricane. The logical side of me knows that this WILL pass and my little will grow and not need me for each feeding and *gasp* at some point I might even miss it.
But, for today, if I hear one more catchy phrase about the beautiful seasons of parenthood, I might just choke on my freezing cold dinner and coffee.