I do feel like I need to mention that this post could just as easily be written about the “Top 10 things not to say to a stay-at-home-mom”, “Top 10 things not to say to a working-from-home-mom”, etc. The label you put before the word “mom” matters not at all to me, and I want to make sure I make that clear. I am writing this post from my perspective because I have heard each and every one of these statements before.
Side note, if a work-from-home mom or stay-at-home mom would like to write a similar post, I would love to publish!
So with no further ado, here is my list.
- “How difficult is it for you to have someone else raise your kids?”
- “You must LOVE having so much time to yourself”
- “I have moments where I miss the adult interaction, but, I choose to put my kids first during this phase of life”
- “Can you not afford to stay at home?”
- “Don’t you think you’ll regret missing so much…you know they grow up so fast”
- “Don’t you miss them during the day?”
- “Do you worry about them during the day?”
- “Don’t you feel selfish?”
- “Do you worry that you’ll miss first step, first word [insert other first]?”
- “It must be so nice to be able to go to the bathroom BY YOURSELF!”
Here is the thing that maybe some of you have already figured out. EVERY single comment on this list was said to me by another female. We should all take a collective moment to let that sink in. For emphasis, allow me to repeat… every single comment on the above list was said to me by another woman, in fact to specify, another MOM.
Ladies, allow just a moment to step on top of my soap box.
Okay, I’m on.
Some gender inequality exists and it sucks and I will continue to fight it for all of my professional career. Disability, age, sex, race, religion, sexual orientation, etc should obviously not be a consideration when pay, leave and promotion potential are on the line. But there is a whole other section of gender inequality that is PERPETUATED BY WOMEN.
Women, listen to me, men do not stand by the water cooler and ask each other if it is difficult for them to have someone else raise their children. They may talk about sports, or musical theatre, or work or whatever they want to. I beg of all of you, let’s stop this conversation. I hope I make it clear to everyone around me that I support you. I support your choices as a mom and let me tell you, I have some incredible moms to watch and learn from. I challenge each and every one of you to let the conversation stop with you. Behind every mom is a person. I would love to talk with you about what makes you who you are, how difficult parenting is, what your hobbies are, but, for the love of God, let’s please not continue to question our choices. I think it is fair to say that most of us are just trying to figure out how to be a mom, employee (if this applies), friend, partner, and every other hat that each of us wears.
Stepping off of my soap box.
Thanks for reading.