This is a crazy season of life. I am assuming (well hoping) that in other seasons it is not COMPLETELY normal to show up to a business meeting with snot on my suit jacket, realize I desperately need to pump, or just feel like I am spread paper thin.
I accept a certain level of craziness in my everyday life. However, the story I am about to tell, I do not accept.
Last Friday was a day similar to many others, I was scrambling to get the baby fed, packed up and out of the house. Friday is a day that I drop him off at my mom’s while I am at work. I get him all strapped into his car seat, while checking off an internal checklist – did I bring his bottles, my gym bag, my lunch, the diaper bag? While driving, I am usually in a space out place that, *I am assuming*, is from lack of sleep. Suddenly I am brought back into the present when Harry made a noise from the backseat. This should not be an alarm at all except for the fact that I was pulling into my work and had completely forgotten to drop him off.
How in the world did this happen?
I turned around, made it to my moms, got back to work.
I felt like I was going to throw up.
Before I had kids, I remember seeing a news article about a working mom who left her baby in the car and the baby passed away. I am POSITIVE in that moment I judged the mom. What kind of a mom leaves a baby in the car? CPS, where are you at on this one?
Here is the thing, I get it now. Parenting has this amazing ability to knock even the most confident moms down in your tracks. You think your baby will only eat organic homemade baby food (guilty…), well maybe you get an insanely picky baby who survives on goldfish. You think your baby will sleep through the night at three months, well maybe you get the kid STILL won’t sleep (yea, about that Harry…).
Few parenting moments really shake me anymore. I have been in this game for almost six years, and for all of those years (except the time spent on maternity leave), I have been a working mom. However, this event absolutely shook me to my core. I almost made the most basic of errors (ideally, don’t leave your child in the car).
I guess I just wanted to share this story because sometimes, even though I try to not let it, my life can look pretty together on social media. OBVIOUSLY I don’t post about the days that I can’t remember the last time I showered, or days I have skipped the gym and eaten a pan of brownies, and definitely do not post about nearly leaving a kid in the car (well, I guess I am posting about that now). But my point is, we all have them. There are moments it seems like I have lost myself and am only a struggling mom. I know, logically, this time will pass and supposedly I will miss it (people keep telling me I will) but for now, the idea of an uninterrupted cup of coffee or bathroom break sounds fantastic.
I don’t have it together and chances are, the mom who really looks like she does may not have it all together either.
If I have learned anything after six years of parenting it is that my quest to have grace is not complete – grace for myself, grace for others, etc.
Also, please don’t call CPS on me, I promise I’ll do better.