Self discovery

A Window

I have kept all written planners from my 20s. For someone who generally does not hang onto many sentimental items, this may seem like an odd thing to keep. For me, though, it is a reminder of a moment in time.

My 20’s for me were a time of change – college graduation, career changes, marriage, selling a home, buying a home, two children (a few, like five years before I intended), many trips.

Besides, the “visible” changes, I also had a pretty intense season where I thought I was leaving my life as I knew it. And also, one where I scared myself. Where my own mortality seemed closer and more disposable than it ever had before.

I do not wish to return to my 20’s. But, I love to have windows into where I was at a moment in time. Growth daily can be so hard to recognize. It is only when you stand on the other side of a canyon do you realize that you journeyed through it and made it to the other side.

Writing for me is an outlet. My writing is not something I always share, because some just offers too much of a window into my world. But, this blog has also been a record of time for me. As I read my posts, I am all the sudden in that moment and remember the background to each post and where I was.

So, for today, the feeling I am documenting is happiness. True happiness. I had so many moments this weekend where I looked around and felt so thankful for right where I am. My boys, my partner, my friends, my family. I don’t deserve it, but, I am so very thankful to be on this side.




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